eyesofthe_child

Pulled Up

Good food, good wine, good friends make a perfect, relaxing evening. This time was no different. We had been trying since Christmas to get together, so it made the evening together exciting, catching up where we had been, what we had been doing and what God had been doing with us.

Precious gifts

I have found it very difficult to scribe my heart feelings these last couple of weeks as I have been so stuffed with so many tangled thoughts. I was beginning to feel I wanted to disappear. My brain was beginning to feel like a saturated sponge out of water, if a sponge is in water it remains afloat and happily buoyant, the moment it is out of the water its saturation becomes heavy and drippy. I have been out of my comfort zone of being able to manage and cope, since really March. (Callum's death)

This week has been one of the most emotional ones I have experienced since I was hurled through the tragic death of a little boy that attended the nursery. There have been days I have not even wanted to go to work, but I have been obliged to be there to meet the needs of the children.

Parents!!!??

I break a forced blog silence.... It has been necessary to shift my priorities. Over the last week we have felt under pressure. So much pressure we both concluded while we felt like this something had to give. We knew we could not compromise on time with our children. In fact we needed to spend more time with them. At the end of two good weekends... The sounds the children are making is that we are more chilled.

Do we get it right? All the time? Am I too strict? Am I too focused on risk assessment? Do I coddle them too much? You know what ... I just do not know!

Another Miracle Please

My life is a miracle, I survived abuse miraculously, my children are all miracles, the fact I am alive is a miracle... Can miracles be used up?

A while ago I blogged on kicking ass over a rather big hold. The conflict has ensued and I have found I am putting myself into a lonely place. As I took a look up from a situation that triggered a response of panic and fear I realised I had switched into coping mode not dealing mode. I had told myself I can deal with this, no-one needs to help, let the healing speak for itself. All those lies of isolation and loneliness I allowed to creep in.

Going Soft

You know how easy it is to miss someone you love when they are away or out of the country. It is weird how, even if you would not normally see them in that time, they are away and you miss them? Is that just me?

Yesterday I turned my guts inside out. I missed someone whom I love lots.

Romance

2007 has truly run in. For us we reflected on the start of our 20th year together. We first met 20 years ago, on New Years Eve. Andrew a hunky, gorgeous  wearing skin tight faded jeans with a huge cuddly jumper. He looked like nookie bear. He experienced love at first sight and its no secret it was not the same for me. He plagued me and hunted me down the next day and we met for lunch. There was still no spark, just a roaring fire in the pub and a huge steak sarni.

Awesome healing

I bumped into a face from my past the other day and it played a little on my mind. Not the meeting but my reaction and my nervousness and uncertainty.

I had lost Andrew in Sainsbury's - duh not that big a store, so I walked up and down to find him. I spied him talking to a stooped lady. Her back was towards me, as I neared I realised she was a relative that I actually did not want a confrontation with.

Driven by Dreams

A few weeks ago I began searching for dreams in my life. I don't mean dreams that you have at night. I mean dreams for life. I found myself wondering for a while and deeply uncovering dreams that had come to pass with little recognition and dreams yet to be realised.

I can honestly say there are three life dreams still outstanding and I know these are long term ones. One is a deeply, spiritual dream and the others just boring life dreams. Like do some renovations to the house, sell current home, move out of the small town we live in to a village location, nearer to school catchment.

Powerpoint Pressure

Here we are, holiday fab and long forgotten ... Need more sun! To those that click in regularly ...sorry.. I needed to catch up on important things.

My rant today, I will bring you hurtling up to the place where I am at today, how I got here and anything else that splodges out.

Psalm 103

The week has eaten into my thoughtful time over the Easter weekend. Singularly the most important pinacle of the Church's calendar. Although we carry the message of the cross with us daily. Easter was a contemplative weekend. I have been so thankful.

Thankful for Jesus' commitment, for His obedience, for His love and for His trust in His father.